The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
