She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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