SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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