I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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