wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
