Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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