she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
