Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
