Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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