i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
