i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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