I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
