FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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