My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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