Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
