Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
