My underwear smells like fireworks.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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