he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
