There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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