my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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