Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
