I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
