You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Randomize
