I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
