..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
