There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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