Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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