maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
