Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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