i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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