Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
third nipple confirmed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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