guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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