I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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