remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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