I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
