The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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