you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
