I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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