I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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