I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
