I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
