Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
