I wish I could teleport
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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