i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
