Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
