If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize