Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
