i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
