i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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