We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
