shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
