But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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