Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize