she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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