Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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