How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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