happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
