There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
