worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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