I think i sorta joined a cult last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
