he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
