I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he thought i was a dude.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
