I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
