The maid of honor just puked.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
