Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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