just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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