If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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