So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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