i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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