Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
