4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
