Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
