you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
