More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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