I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize