I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
