thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago