i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate