This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.