If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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