I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
