Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
