your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
