Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
