but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
