I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
