i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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