I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
