Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
